Time to Let Them Go

I've been inspired by this quote, "Sometimes it's best to unfollow people in real life."  I couldn't agree more.  We spend a lot of time on the internet, social media, etc.  and we create our own little worlds full of people and things that fit our idea of what the world is and what we think it "should be."  We don't like someone's political views, we're irritated by their constant bragging, we know them in "real life" and they're so full of crap in their social media world....the list goes on and on.  Maybe they're always trying to get people to like and share and read their blog (hee hee).  Whatever the case may be - we can "unfollow" them, "unfriend" them, delete, block or whatever other things you can do on social media  (gotta admit I'm only really on FB and I've said at least a hundred times over they years I was gonna get rid of that too...but still haven't done it).  

I do admit I think that's kinda "bad" - I mean in the real world we really don't get to "cherry pick" who we are with and who we have to interact with, not if you're really participating in the world outside of your home, family, friends, etc. I also think that we have become so intolerant and insulated by what we think is right or believe, it's like everyone else be damned, which is also NOT good!  However, that's for another post/topic all together. 

This lead me to some deeper thoughts.  More provocative than just social media and what we do or don't do in that arena.  It lead me to think about the people in your world that really do need to be "unfollowed".  The people in your world that are - to use the new/hot word - toxic.  The people in your life that you've tried for years to connect to, to relate to, to be nice or loving or kind or helpful to and it's just not happening or being reciprocated. The people in your life that cause you deep pain, bring too much drama, and basically not only don't add to your life, but take away from it.  The people who aren't there for you and truly, never have been. 

What do we do with those people?  

Now, let me be clear, I'm not talking about someone you had a disagreement with or even someone that maybe "wronged" you once or twice.  I'm talking about those people who truly don't add anything beneficial to your life or your well-being.  People who make you constantly cry, question yourself, make you feel "less than" or don't support you and maybe even harm you personally, professionally, physically and/or mentally. People who use you or bring nothing but drama.

It's time to let them go.  Let. Them. Go.  Free yourself.  Love them from afar.  Wish them well and keep moving.  Everyone is not your friend.  In fact, if we are being real, most people aren't really your friend.  Most people may not be "against" you, but I think there's an awful lot of people that really aren't "for you"  either.  

In my own life I've begun to realize that there are folks that I just have to let go of.  It's not an easy process and in some cases it's been gradual and heart-breaking.  I am now seeing though, that it's healthy.  Part of loving myself is setting boundaries.  It's realizing that not everyone has my back and it's OK to let those folks go.  It's OK, no matter if they're family, friends, coworkers, etc.  It's OK to say, no, I won't be treated any less than what I deserve and I won't be harmed.  The journey continues - blessings to you my dear readers. 

Never Give Up!

Some time ago my school had an "anti-bullying" assembly and they had this woman who was sort of a motivational speaker, magician, and all-around entertaining person.  The lady offered some really great words of wisdom for the kids and it really has stuck with them (I know because they repeat those words to me a lot and to their classmates, esp. when stuff gets hard). Never give up. Encourage Others. Do Your Best.  It's stuck with me too.

I've got to be honest with you - my dear readers - whomever you are - this last week has been really hard.  Brutally hard on a couple of days...between physical illness and emotional turmoil and pressures of so many things weighing on me...I felt like giving up.  I felt like just saying you know what, I can't change and I can't really love myself into being different or achieving my goals.  I literally cried for two days and I had so much self-defeat inside my heart and my head.  I wanted to just give up.

Yet, my niece said something to me that made me think and think hard.  We were talking about talents and how everyone has different talents.  I was saying that painting really wasn't my talent, but I loved that it was hers!  She said my talent was "being positive and nice."  I wanted to cry.  I thought man, I'm a fraud, my sweet niece thinks of me as positive and nice and inside I don't like myself and worry all the time that I'm not nice, etc. etc.  I went on like that in my head for a while.

I snapped out of it. I said no, I won't stay here in this self-pity and self-doubt.  I am positive and I am nice! I will rise and continue to rise.  I started my week with a prayer with my good friend.  I started (again) being as positive as I could be with everyone around me.  I made the plan to do the acupuncture and really give that my all.  I have been listening to Tony Robbins (various things on YouTube) and getting motivated again.  I've also been using my Fit Bit and joining and creating challenges there to keep me motivated physically. I'm taking care of myself. 

That's why I started this blog - to document this journey and to keep myself accountable.  So I'm proud to say, I've shown myself a little love.  Amen to that.

Acupuncture and Healing

I've been taking a break for a few days now because I've been sick both physically and emotionally. I went to work for four days very sick - all the kids were worried about me and asking me if I was ok and hugging me - it was so sweet to see how much they care for me.  They mean so much to me and I pray that they feel that. It's hard to take time off when you're a teacher, particularly because you do feel guilty leaving your kids with someone else, because you worry about their learning and what will get done and what you will come back to, you worry about getting behind, etc. etc. etc.  Worry is a wasted emotion and going to work sick is probably not nearly as productive and better to take a day off than to fight through and just "function" rather than rock it out. 

There were also some really hard emotional setbacks the past few days. I've been badly bent this week in many ways, but not broken. It was good that these things happened though because it brought me back into focus, it was a painful reminder that I am human and not superwoman and that yes, there is still healing to be done.  It was a little tap on the shoulder saying - hey - you cannot do this alone and you cannot do this just by thinking it away or by praying it away - it will require thoughts, prayers and ACTIONS.  

And so I find myself back to the laser-beam focus again of what I wanted to come back to (and the intention of this blog) learning to love myself.  

How will I go about creating, cultivating and continuously nurturing this self-love and actualizing my dreams?

One major way I'm going to be loving myself is doing what is good and right for my body and mind. Starting in February I'll be going to acupuncture regularly.  Starting with two times a week for eight weeks, moving to once a week and so on and so on.  I'll also be taking supplements and working with the doctor on how to maximize my health and well-being.  A huge part of loving myself is believing I deserve a happier, healthier life.  I am good and worthy of good things.  It will take some financial sacrifice and it's a time commitment, but I believe it will be worth it.  Acupuncture has proven very effective for me in many ways - and that's with only three sessions - the main thing that it does for me is - it calms me and brings me a sense of peace in my body and my mind. I noticed also, that it helped me with digestion and shoulder and neck pain/tightness - at least immediately following the sessions - the effects usually lasted about two days after the session.  

There's something spiritual about acupuncture that I cannot quite put my finger on - and neither can medical science - but it's there. I cannot wait to see what it will do long-term!  

Here's a good article:  http://www.webmd.com/pain-management/features/acupuncture-pain-killer#1

Let It Go

Let go of anger.

Let go of bitterness.

Let go of wanting revenge.

Let go of believing negative things.

Let go of allowing others to steal my joy.

Let go of all the past mistakes and failures.

Let go of believing things will never change.

Let go of holding onto things that are harming me.

Let go of all the thoughts and feelings that will not propel me further and help me reach my goals.

Own what is true and change what I can and leave the rest to God.

Positive Hits Radio - DREAM

When you're sick - it's hard to stay motivated.  I'm grateful it's just a cold or allergies or something ...but I will say it's tough to be creative when you're just trying to work and get through the day.  I will persevere. I heard an amazing sermon on the way to work this morning and it made me cry.  I was being spoken to directly.  I do believe that everything happens for a reason and I believe I was meant to hear this message this morning:

http://www.yourper.com/dream/

There have been a number of things lately that have made me feel discouraged and unmotivated. When you're waiting on a dream to come true (and you've been waiting for years) you can grow weary.  You can start to feel like, is this ever going to happen??  Sometimes, I get in the fear zone.  I start thinking, well, it's better to expect nothing, to not be hopeful because if I believe and it doesn't happen then I'll be further disappointed.  In the fear zone, I start to think that I'll forever be wanting, waiting and dreaming.  I refuse to be this way.  I have made a decision to change and a decision to accomplish goals and make dreams come true. I've also put forth action and am following through. All of these things are necessary to living the life you want.  I believe now more than ever, BIG things are happening in my life because I've DECIDED I no longer want to settle for less.

Of all the setbacks, of all the "failures," and of all the circumstances or people that can get in the way of following your dreams, don't be one of them.  Don't get in your own way...and don't be ruled by your fear.

I'm still reading the Robbins book and intend on writing more about that as I continue discovering and working on this journey.

Side note:  If you're taking time out to read this - thank you.  Thank you for reading, for sharing, for helping make this woman's dream come true.  You mean a lot to me - even if I don't know you! Thank you.

Simple Gift - Thoughtful Reminder

A sweet friend gave me this journal with a nice note that said thank you for being such a good friend ...  hoping you could write down ideas for your blog!  What a wonderful blessing she is and what a lovely, thoughtful gift!  I'm so blessed and grateful for the people that do support me.  When I feel down or discouraged or defeated - I'll remember that I am loved! I do have a kind heart, fierce mind and brave spirit!  You do too!

Climbing Mountains

http://archive.sltrib.com/story.php?ref=/sltrib/news/53763936-78/masheter-lake-salt-carol.html.csp


To sum up the above article: Carol Masheter at age 50 "...when life dealt her multiple blows — over a period of about 18 months, her sister became ill, Masheter lost her job as a university professor, her mother died and the man she loved left for someone else — started climbing.

That was in 1997, in South America. 'I was discovering my talents rather late in life,' she said. And they weren't knitting or playing bridge."  She climbed Mt. Everest at age 65! Talk about an inspiration!

I had a conversation tonight with my brother-in-law, whom I love very much and brings so much joy and laughter to my life. Not to mention, he and my sister made two of my favorite human beings on this planet (my niece and nephew). We've had a lot of moments and we've butted heads more than once, but like any good, real relationship - we grew - and I think we're closer now because of it.  Tonight he posed the question to me - What do you hope to do with the blog? Ultimately, I want to spread love, to create, to inspire others and to make a career of my writing (a dream I've had since 3rd grade when I wrote my first book).  I've always been too scared to try.  I've always feared rejection and what others would say or think.  No more.  

In the conversation it was brought up about my age and maybe it's too late in the game to start something like this, etc.  I said, "It's too late when I'm dead."  As long as I'm living, it's not too late to make my dreams come true.  There are a ton of stories out there of folks who never gave up - nothing stood in their way- not their age, sex, race, lack of money, lack of education, their background, a disability, not their circumstances, not their pain, NOTHING ...where there is a will, there is a way.  Where there is passion, belief, willingness to work and the drive...there is someone who can make anything they want a reality.  This reminds of this great quote: “Hard Work Beats Talent When Talent Doesn’t Work Hard” -Tim Notke  

Brings me back to yesterday's post: YOU CAN DO ANYTHING!

Preach and Practice and all that jazz

It was a rough day.  Glad it's done.  This is what I wrote down for my kids today.  I made them say it out loud- say it loud and proud I said - and I let them shout.  I made them write it down and told them to keep the paper.  I told them to never give up!  

I guess I should practice what I preach...Tomorrow is a new day.  TGIF.

Let's Try This Again...

Not much sleep and back to work after three snow days kinda messes with my creativity and my writer's hand, but here goes!

I read over my empowering and disempowering beliefs that I wrote and I wrote them down again and I did it differently this time.  I wrote down three empowering and three disempowering beliefs and now I've got to focus on the empowering beliefs and reshape or even just discard the disempowering ones. Good ones like: "If you work hard enough, then you can achieve anything" need to have focus and be bolstered!

Example of a disempowering belief:  "People cannot be trusted."  Ok, well SOME people cannot be trusted, but give folks a chance first.  Let's see if they can be trusted, give them time, give them the benefit of the doubt.  Don't be afraid to be open, honest, and your real self.  After all, that's all you've got really and why not get right to the heart of the matter - if they don't like the real you - then why waste time or energy on forming a friendship/relationship etc?  If someone consistently behaves in a way that proves to be untrustworthy - wish them well and keep it moving - do not give them energy, time or a second thought.  You can love everyone, but you don't have to be everyone's BFF, nor should you, if you're being authentic.

I found this exercise challenging, but it was good because it pointed out some beliefs that I am holding that are truly holding me back.  It's time to let those go and get a laser-beam focus on goals and what I truly want for my life.  It's time to focus on the positive and my incredible blessings and all that is going right!  There's so much good.  

Today - what is going right with you?  What are the positive things you can focus on in your day, week, month, year...life? What beliefs do you have that are holding you back from your success? What are the beliefs that you need to focus on and expound on?  I encourage you to write them down and start focusing on the EMPOWERING beliefs!

Still Small Voice

Alright, so I read the rest of Chapter 4.  You are supposed to write down all of your "beliefs"- empowering and disempowering.  I set my timer for ten minutes and I wrote them down.  Turns out, I don't have a lot of empowering beliefs.  That was kind of a bummer.  Not kind of, it sucked actually, but I'm trying to be positive! I do, however, have an awful lot of disempowering beliefs. Back to the drawing board.  I'm going to re-do the assignment tomorrow. This is good information though and it makes sense.  How can you be living your dreams and achieving goals, if you have so so many limiting beliefs?  Turns out my "giant" within has a small, weak voice, but I'm going to change that!   

What Do You Believe?

I am going to write more later, but I wanted to share this Matthew West song, "Hello My Name Is" with you.  Even if you're not a Christian, I think you can relate to the first two stanzas in particular. Just take a moment to read the lyrics and listen to the song.  I think most people know a little something about regret and defeat.

https://play.google.com/music/preview/T62y2ricbnrvjk44c5godl3r5by?lyrics=1&utm_source=google&utm_medium=search&utm_campaign=lyrics&pcampaignid=kp-lyrics&u=0#

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZuJWQzjfU3o

It ties in with the chapter I'm reading too and that old quote - whether you believe you can or can't - you're right.  Do you believe if you fail, you'll never get back up again or that YOU are a failure?  Do you believe you've made so many mistakes that you cannot possibly win or get it right?  Maybe you're like me - you've had an awful lot of experiences (some good, some not) and you've made some life-altering choices that you think...if I could only go back to this age or that and make a different choice or take a new path...maybe things would be different.  WELL - to heck with that people.  Start where you are.  You've got control and you can change.  I am changing and I BELIEVE it can only go up from here - no matter what - I'm going to continue on my journey to being a more positive, optimistic (gasp), encouraging, and fulfilled person.  I'm going to make my dreams come true and I'm going to enjoy the process along the way.  The journey has begun.

What Do You Think About?

As he thinketh in his heart, so is he.  

Proverbs 23:7

It's another snow day (yahooooo for teachers and kids) and I was extremely productive yesterday, cleaning, cooking, exercising, reading, writing, etc.  I even consulted on an article on mindfulness in education and how I practice it in the classroom (which is so cool and I felt really honored and like an expert :)  I was tempted yesterday to doubt myself, to say to myself, well you only gave a quote, it's not that big of a deal and oh, you only submitted five things for publishing, you probably could've done more. I had to stop myself and say, no, I'm doing great and working toward my goals.  I'm not going to down-play the achievements I've made or my good feelings.  I'm going to embrace them. 

This morning I got up at normal time, did lesson plans, collaborated with coworkers, went for a treacherous walk, made lunch for the hubs and then sat down to read the next chapter in the book.  It's about beliefs - and more specifically empowering vs disempowering beliefs and how those shape our lives.  I'm about 15 pages into this chapter and I gotta be honest, it's a tough one.  I realized in reading this chapter, that just yesterday I stated in my blog - some disempowering beliefs about people - they can't be trusted, they irritate me, hurt me, make me mad...etc.  Very interesting how this thing is playing out...even the first time around, I hadn't gotten this far in the book so I had no way of knowing that this would be the next chapter and yet there I was writing out one of my own disempowering beliefs.  I'm beginning to ask myself, what are my beliefs (good and bad, empowering and disempowering) and how are those impacting my life?  What about you?

In skimming through the rest of the chapter it appears I will have some more "homework" to do.  I'm looking forward to it and I'll keep you posted!  In the meantime I encourage you - don't discount the good things you're doing, embrace them and be proud of yourself!  Think of yourself as AWESOME and act accordingly!

The Force

As I promised myself (and the hundreds of readers I have here 😍) I picked up where I left off in the Robbins' book, "Awaken the Giant Within."  The title of the chapter I just finished is called "The Force That Shapes Your Life." Robbins brings you back to basics, which is that pain or pleasure will be the basis upon which we make our decisions and choices - so if it feels "good" we will do it, if it doesn't  feel good, we will avoid it or not do it.  That's simplified, to say the least, but in a nutshell, that's about it. What you have to do is essentially reshape your ideas of what pain and pleasure are and look at things with an end-goal perspective. 

This is my interpretation of what I read and at this point in my journey - I feel like I get it.  Example, I want to lose my tummy and maybe a little bit off the thighs, but I like to eat and I like to drink wine. I don't want to deprive myself of anything and I don't want to watch what I eat.  I want to do what I want.  Yet, when I go to do a rigorous power yoga class on the beach and I can barely make it through without stopping or taking breaks (which I used to be able to do easily, in addition to doing other exercises within the same few hours!) and people all around me (including old ladies) are rocking it, then I feel the pain of not being able to complete the tasks, of feeling fat, uncomfortable in my own skin and to be honest - a bruised ego.  A lot of pain associated with that, but is it enough to change? 

I like a task.  I'm a "doer" so I was happy to see that at the end of the chapter, the reader has a task to complete.  You write down four actions you need to take that you've been putting off and the pain and pleasure associated with each of them.  So you write down the four actions, then you write down what pain you've associated with doing the action, what pleasure you've received from not doing the action, what's the cost of not doing the action now, and what pleasure you'll feel from actually doing the action and all of the incredible things that will happen (supposed to get you psyched and motivated to DO the thing).  

I did it.  I'm not going to give you all the info, but I will tell you my four actions:
1) Do yoga and exercise three times a week and eat healthier.
2) Save $1000 and be debt free.
3) Publish my writing.
4) Buy a house.

Prayers, well-wishes, positive vibes and support on this journey to continue to make these goals happen and the courage, strength and motivation to continue are SO appreciated and welcome!  

Step 1 - Committing

Let me be brutally honest with you (those of you who know me, know this is how I roll typically anyway) - I don't like that many people and some people really piss me off.  I have a hard time trusting people and I have a very small circle of friends.  

Part of this is because I grew up with a lot of dysfunction and there were a few key people in my life that proved to be liars, manipulators, cheaters, addicts and truly harmful people.  

The other part of this is that I really believe in quality, not quantity, in just about EVERYTHING.  I don't think you can really establish meaningful connections and/or friendships with more than a handful of people.  

I also am very sensitive.  Sometimes I find myself being too sensitive and truly wishing things didn't affect me as much and that I could just be like, Oh that guy's a jerk and who really cares, laugh and move on.  Don't get me wrong, on occasion, I do that and have no problem...like if the person cuts me off in traffic or whatever.  However, if I have to continuously have contact with people or if the people are in my life for various reasons (family, work, social settings, etc.) I ruminate on it.  I mean, I can go on about it for days, weeks and sometimes even months.  

I can honestly say I don't wish any ill will on anyone. I mean I don't sit there and hope something bad happens to anyone or their loved ones or anything horrible like that, but I do wish they would just *poof* disappear and perhaps move far, far away into another galaxy and I will never have to see them, hear about them or deal with them in any way, ever again. Sadly, this is not how life works.  

SO I say all of this to say that there's been a number of incidents and people that have really ticked me off just recently.  They're repeat-offenders, of course, and I came to the conclusion that I'm being tested.  Am I really committed to changing? Do I really mean what I say about achieving my goals this year? What am I going to choose to focus on?  

I must be determined.  I must be steadfast.  I must not allow anyone or anything to stand in my way (particularly and most importantly, myself). I've realized that I have to be committed to myself, above all.  I have to commit to doing the things I've set out to do - which is to be positive, to be strong, to love myself for real and in doing so - actualize my dreams.  

Today, I submitted a travel review I did to two different travel magazines, and three poems for greeting cards.  I'm determined to be a PAID and PUBLISHED author in 2017!  I will do it and it will happen.  It's happening now.

I also am going to write a separate post today about the Robbin's book.  I told myself I would finish that book this year and make a commitment to applying what I learn.  I will not let myself down.  I will not quit as I did in the past.  I will do it - no matter what life tries to throw at me or if I start to get discouraged or distracted or whatever.   I will do this.

I encourage you today - COMMIT to yourself and to accomplishing at least ONE meaningful goal this day, this week, this month, this year.   You can do it and so can I!

Silence

As I sit here cozy beneath my blanket in my warm, quiet home I am so blissfully aware of silence. I felt so inspired that I needed to write. Outside the snow has fallen and there's the beauty of quiet and peace.  I woke up early to look out the window and see the wonder of snow all around - like a gift that came in the night, waiting there for me to unwrap. I just couldn't wait to get out there!  I stepped outside and ran around - I stopped for a moment to feel the flakes on my face and just listen.  I heard - silence.  Science tells us that snow absorbs sound and nature tells us - hush - it's time to sleep and wait for Spring.  I believe God tells us all the time to stop and listen - to find silence.  Even Jesus went off alone to pray and to seek, undoubtedly, silence.  In that silence you can hear your own thoughts, you can connect to your higher power, or you can just BE.  I've been hearing that message more and more as this year unfolds.  Just be.  Not just exist as if nothing is happening or as if you don't have things to do or plans or goals or dreams to accomplish, etc, etc, but I think the message I'm receiving is - you don't have to work so hard to be loved, to be accepted, to feel joy.  

I am sipping coffee out of a mug one of my sweet students gave me for Christmas that says - Let It Snow - and I'm feeling warm, happy and grateful.  Grateful that it's Saturday and I can enjoy my husband and our quiet space together with our cat, grateful for all my friends and family near and far away and the love we share, grateful that I am healthy, growing and strong, grateful to just be.

Be Grateful

My in-laws were in the airport in Ft. Lauderdale today and they are alive.  I am so grateful.  They were not in the terminal where the shooting took place, thank God, but they were in the airport and it could have been far worse.  It is a reminder to us all - life is fleeting.  Be grateful in this moment.

Take deep breaths, close your eyes, meditate, pray and just BE.  Count your blessings, name them, say them out loud, write them down...

I am grateful tonight that my in-laws are ok.  I'm grateful tonight that we are ok.  Again, so many things to be grateful for.  Thank you God, that we are here for another day and let us do with that day something good, kind and loving.  

Be blessed friends.  Much love.

Day 4 - Won't Be Stopped!

Do you ever notice...when you set a goal (esp. something like not complaining, being nice, don't sweat the small stuff, etc.) it seems like there are these little saboteurs that pop up? That has happened to me this week, regularly it seems.  I realized though, that I still have control.  No matter what is happening around me and who is doing what, etc. I still have self-control.  I won't be stopped.

After today, I'm more determined than EVER to reach my goals and actualize my dreams.  I deserve better and I am going to WORK to make it happen.  Had some good convos today with a couple of my entrepreneur friends and I am inspired.  I'm inspired by what these ladies are doing and how they are making goals and reaching them in order to live the lives they truly want.  They are grinding and putting in the work and they, like me, are ready for BIG things to happen.

The giant within me...She's just getting started! The fact that I know and can say with conviction that I deserve better is a big step in the right direction.  Cannot wait to see what will be next and I'm excited about the next phases and being intentional about changing.  I'm READY! 

Find the Bright Spots

Today was...well...it was a day.  However, I'm determined to focus on the bright spots!

Good things from today:

I taught all the things that needed to be taught - I ACTUALLY got to teach!

Outdoor recess - finally.

I made a tasty dinner.

I'm more determined than ever to grow and learn.

Snow forecast looking very promising.

I finished all my extra work by 6 pm.

Blessings:

Home

Food

Water

Husband and family

Friends

Education

Job

My kids (students)

Transportation

Health

Abilities and talents

Fozzy (our orange fur-baby)

Many, many more...but I'm tired.

Tomorrow is a new day. Looking forward to working on writing up my goals and delving further into the Robbins book.