I woke up like this!

Snap!

Confession:  I have a love/hate relationship with social media.  I believe it is causing the death of true socialization and human interaction everywhere.  Yet, I use it to promote my blog and I use it to write funny quips on twitter about my favorite TV shows – still waiting for Andy Cohen to notice my endless Bravo tweets – hasn’t happened yet, but a girl can dream!  I love Snapchat and have cried from laughter over snaps (also pondered going to a salon to get those lashes in real life).  I’ve remarked to my husband several times how I want him to get the Snapchat app so I can send him cute snaps – he refuses.  I’ve also said that the folks who invented Snapchat are serious GENIUSES.  I don’t do Instagram or YouTube, but I consider it because I want to continue to shamelessly promote myself and my writing (HA!).  Our world is driven by the internet and social media - we cannot escape it.

Here’s the flip side to social media – it doesn’t promote REAL relationships.  Some of the “friends” on my Facebook page, I have not seen in years and some of them I don’t even “follow” because their posts annoy me to no end and some of them I’m certain do the same to me.  That’s another thing – why do we “unfollow” people, yet not “unfriend” them.  It’s like there’s some new, weird social media etiquette that says – I don’t like you enough to look at your posts, but I don’t dislike you enough to completely “unfriend” you.  Huh??? Perhaps it’s the terminology, “unfriend” sounds very unfriendly and kind of mean.

Are these folks truly your friend? 1000+ friends – really? Unless you’re a celebrity or it's your business page - you cannot honestly tell me that you’re truly FRIENDS with all those people! That just doesn’t make sense to me.  I suppose it depends on your definition of friend, but it doesn’t fit mine, for certain.

It’s also – fake.  I mean, as I stated before, I love Snapchat, but I don’t really look like that! The filters take away all the flaws and give you great lips, lashes, and cute little ears and voice changers, etc.  They distort the reality, which can be fun and funny, but also confusing. You’ve also heard a million times – that people only post or show what they want you to see or what they think looks best (http://saratate3.blogspot.com/2017/07/i-look-fat.html).  A good friend of mine said Facebook or Instagram are people’s “highlight reel” – not their real life.  

I was watching this video recently (it’s been floating around for a while) about millennials. In the video it talks about how people (particularly millennials) are longing for connection, yet they aren’t really connecting.  It also talked about how looking at Facebook (and I’m sure other social media) actually lends itself to depression.  Human beings need to be able to look each other in the eye, read each other’s body language, touch one another, and speak with each other in order to truly build a relationship and bond.  You cannot get the same authentic and genuine interaction with someone online as you can in person.  I’m not saying you can’t connect, but I am saying, it’s not the same and it’s not as good.

I’ll leave you with this story – I’ve been off for summer “break” and not on my regular schedule and slowly my depression has started to creep up on me again.  I mentioned it to my acupuncturist and he told me, get out of your house and be amongst people.  Get out.  I made a conscious effort to set up different meetings on different days (giving me something to look forward to throughout the week) with three of my closest and dearest friends.  I spent hours listening, talking, laughing, praying and enjoying their presence each time.  One thing every single one of them did when they saw me, was hug me.  Hug me so close and so tight, saying, “Hi my friend, I’ve missed you and I am so glad to be with you now.”  It was exactly what I needed.   I encourage you today – get off whatever device you’re on – and connect with people in real life!  It will make a world of difference!

I used to be hot.

Ten Years Ago in Maui 

It dawned on me recently that ten years ago I went to Maui.  Ten years ago - this was my body!  I used to be hot.  A full-circle moment is about to happen.  We have been blessed with an opportunity to go to Kauai. 
I was younger, obviously THINNER, with abs and muscles and all that good stuff.  I was looking at the pics I have from that trip and was thinking wow, so much has changed, not just my body, but my soul. My inner self has grown exponentially, thank God.  I still have things to work on and I still have some of the same old fears and insecurities, but they don't rule me as much as they used to and the progress I've made is incredible. 

Back then I was in a marriage that I didn't have any business being in - in hind sight - I made that choice out of complete fear and without clarity (and rather hastily).  I married someone thinking that would "complete" me, save me and because I was desperately afraid of becoming a spinster cat lady (now I've embraced my cat lady-ness - even though I am married, ha ha ha!). I will be the first to admit I made a lot of really bad choices in that marriage.  I was a truly broken person on so many levels and I didn't know until I got into that marriage that I had so much more work to do.  

I doubt my ex-husband reads my blog, but if he does he knows that I've changed and evolved. Although I don't regret having married him or the fact that it ended - I do regret some of the things that happened that led to the end of that marriage.  We either grow and change and look back at mistakes we've made with sadness or we just continue to make them.  I'm happy to say that I have changed for the better.

In this full-circle moment - I'm so glad to say, although I'm not as physically fit as I used to be and maybe I don't feel as "hot" as I used to, but I am emotionally and spiritually healthier and far more beautiful.  I can say with absolute certainty that I am in a FAR better place now and in a marriage that is healthy and I'm so much more whole than I ever was back then.  

What have I learned?  
1) What's in your heart and your mind, matter so much more than what you look like.   
2) Forgiveness - esp. of yourself - is incredibly important to being emotionally healthy and for growth. 
3) DO NOT make decisions based on fear.  Fear is not from love.

*PS This picture has inspired me to get more disciplined to lose weight and be "hot" again - more on that later :)
 *PPS  I was very hesitant to post this picture for fear that people will say, oh she used to be hot, she blew up, etc., but I think it's important to be real and to know that I am still lovable and wonderful no matter what my body looks like!

Maybe I'm overthinking this...

Recently I met someone and they said, "You seem like you overthink things."  And then I actually talked about that comment to them, to my husband and to my sister and NOW I'm blogging about it (so do you think I overthink things? Hahahaha).   To think about (something) too much or for too long - the dictionary definition.  Yep, I do this.  At first I was offended, but I stopped myself. Instead of getting angry about this or thinking well, that person doesn't even know me, that's a snap judgment and who are they to say, etc.  I stopped and said, OK, this struck a chord in me, why?  Truth is because I DO overthink things.  A lot.  In fact it is a behavior I want to change.  

What do you do when you want to change a behavior?  Well, first think of why you want to change it.  In this case because overthinking messes with my life in many ways.  It usually creates problems that aren't there or causes me to lose sleep or sometimes manifests anxiety and fear that is not at all helpful or necessary.  It can put me in a bad mood or every once and a while cause conflict with others when truly, if I had just "let it go" and not continued to dwell or think about it, it would have just gone away.

If you're like me, maybe you've decided you want to be lighter and more free!  You want to let go of the old baggage (and don't add to them)!  You want to be able to enjoy your life and free yourself from negative self-talk and overthinking.   Now that the choice is made, it's time to commit to some kind of action and DO it!

Just in a quick search I found 10 articles on how to stop overthinking!!  Here are three of my favorites:  

Don't think about what could go wrong, think about what could go right!  So that's one thing we can do - every time you start to pose a negative question or ask what if x,y, z goes wrong...say, no, let's think positively and consider all the wonderful possibilities and how this could go so right!

Get physical - go for a walk, exercise, tire your body out and refocus your energy!  This is a great way to redirect your thoughts. Not only will you feel better, but you you'll look better too!  Win, win.  

Don't vent - wait, what?  Yep.  Believe it or not (and this will be hard for me too) venting usually just leads to more stress and more overthinking.  If you must talk about it - set a time limit - I'm gonna talk about this for 5 minutes and then be done and make sure you're doing it with a trusted friend or spouse that can handle telling you - hey!  we aren't talking about that anymore, we've got a solution or we've discussed it from all angles, now let's let it go! And then...let it go!

And my own: 

Pray - give it up to God!  God can handle anything and is bigger than any problem! You don't have to think about it so much - God's got this!
Here are a few of the articles I read and found useful hints from all of them:

https://www.inc.com/lolly-daskal/10-simple-ways-you-can-stop-yourself-from-overthinking.html

https://tinybuddha.com/blog/10-ways-stop-overthinking-start-living/

https://www.realsimple.com/work-life/life-strategies/get-over-overthinking

I look fat.

Here's me - sans makeup and at the beach - trying to make myself look thin!

It's summer - there will be posting, sending, snapping galore of pictures of all the vacations and all the fun activities you'll be doing (hopefully).  If you're anything like me and my family - you will scrutinize every photo and you will say, no, you can't post that! I look fat.  I look weird.  I don't like my tummy, thighs, ankles, eyebrows or whatever body part in that photo!  Take another one.  And you will take 40 other photos until it makes you look like that super model you know you are on the inside.

Also, let's be real, especially women.  WE scrutinize each other mercilessly - in photos and in real life.  I'm wondering when this will ever end.  I do it too.  I'm not going to sit here typing acting as if I'm always looking for the good in people and I'm always trying to say something positive about my fellow man.  However, I'm going to start.  We judge others harshly because the truth is we judge ourselves harshly.

So I'm going to stop.  I'm going to stop judging myself and start...loving myself.  When I see a photo of myself I'm going to look for the good in the picture and even if I don't like the picture, I'm not going to make myself feel bad.  I'm going to learn how to be kind to myself and stop judging myself. If it's a photo, especially of me and a loved one whom someday I will wish I had a photo to remind me of them or the memories we shared, I'm going to keep it.  

My husband will be so happy to hear this because I'm pretty sure he's tired of hearing me say, NO, hate it or crinkle my nose.  I'm going to start saying - oh I like the lighting or oh I like the way my hair, eyebrows, shirt, whatever...looks.  I'm going to start shifting the focus to the positive.  I'm going to stop being critical and start being kind...to myself and to others.  

What about you?  Do you do this?  Is this something that you'd like to change?  Be encouraged.  We are here to love each other and lift one another up! We aren't here to tear each other down in hopes of making ourselves feel better because in the end that really doesn't work anyway!  Let's spread love together!

Happy Summer!