https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tLAoc4HwecU
Many of my loved ones know, I'm slightly obsessed with Oprah. I've been watching this video of her Master Class repeatedly for a long time now. Why? Because I believe that I've discovered my word for this year: surrender. I think I am in a slow and deliberate process of letting go and surrendering to the will of God and understanding what it really means to do so. If you listen carefully to Oprah's words, she says, when you first start to sing the song you really can't surrender, but then she sang and prayed and cried repeatedly and she could feel herself say, OK I'm gonna be alright. And then the most wonderful thing occurred - she wanted to BLESS that person in the role she wanted - she wanted to be able to be OK and she will not be bitter, angry or feel for the rest of her life, that someone else got what she wanted...I want to have that kind of peace. Oh how that resonates with me. That. kind. of. peace.
I woke this morning with a sense of peace. It used to be incredibly rare that I would ever have a feeling of contentment or a feeling that all is well. Those feelings have increased, those moments of clarity and stillness, those moments when I feel that there is no need to struggle, worry, doubt, fear, or despair. There is no need to control. I've been meditating, praying, listening to sermons and feeding my spirit as much as I can. I've been choosing to put energy into the people, activities, places, etc. that make me happy and give me joy. I've been practicing gratitude and acts of kindness. It's adding up to a sense of calm that is priceless.
Please be clear - there are so many things I still desire and so many things that are not the way I want them to be. I have a deep longing that is yet to be fulfilled, but I rest in the knowing that God's timing is impeccable. That every thing - even the worst things in my life - have all served a greater purpose. Some of those things have yet to reveal their purpose and others have made themselves so apparent that I have actually bowed down in gratitude for them - some of the most painful, scarring experiences of my life have been used to heal and help others in a way that's beyond me - in a way that says, only God could have weaved that together. Only God could have brought that thing to serve another. Only. God.
While this place is new to me - I am celebrating and relishing it.
May you find that peace that passes understanding. May you breathe deeply and be able to whisper - it is well with my soul. May you truly surrender.
