Anyone who knows me well knows that I am a lover of all music - everything from Country to R&B to Classical and back again. I really love gospel music. I'll tell you why - there's some incredible voices in gospel and real, true talent. The collective voices of a choir just blows my mind! It takes me to a place beyond myself. The best thing about gospel is it celebrates joy above all circumstances, freedom and perseverance.
Every week or so, I have a "theme" song for my current circumstance or situation. My song for the last two weeks was this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KUIIKBx_mFU. It was/is my song for so many reasons, but the surrender is the key. First of all, no matter your belief system, you cannot deny that surrendering - be it to God or the universe or just to "what will be" - is freedom. The fact is we only truly have control over one thing in this life, ourselves and our own choices, and we must at some point, surrender control if we can ever experience true peace.
This week - I wanted two things very badly. To major life-changing things. Two things that I've been praying, hoping and wishing for. I was so hopeful, believing so much that it surely would happen, I thought my faith was strong enough to will it to happen, but the answer is not yet. Not. yet.
Did I cry? Yes. Did I cry several times? Yes. Am I 'over it'? No. Am I devastated? NO. I'll tell you why - surrender. I have actually had a spiritual "aha" moment. I've been in deep prayer, daily and at some points, hourly, about these things. Others that are very close to me have been in deep prayer, even some praying before praying for themselves or their own children. We've been in church almost every Sunday since Fozzy (our cat - see previous blog post) has fully recovered and I've been surrendering it. I've been surrendering every minute of every day for the last two months. I can't believe I can say this, but I have peace. God will do everything in the right time. I am holding onto only that and I don't have what I "want", but I am trusting the process. I'm trusting this is a soul-building, faith-strengthening journey.
I don't understand why, but I am O.K. I really do have peace that passes all understanding. I also have joy. Joy is a place I'm not familiar with, but I'm learning to love. Joy is when things appear bleak and the world is at war and the desires of your heart are "on hold" or even not meant to be and you're still able to laugh, you're still able to give and receive love. You're still able to do good works and not grow weary and you still believe.
So this is my new song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yl5lKSTtPR8
"There's beauty in my brokenness, I've got true love instead of pain. There's freedom, though you've captured me. I've got joy instead of mourning. You give me joy, down deep in my soul. Down deep in my soul. "
Amen.
