I want to be beautiful.

So is this what it takes to be beautiful?  I wanted to buy another soap yesterday - the latest thing that is supposed to clear your skin and make your pores smaller, cleanse and beautify.  Before I did that I said, let me see how much soap we already have. It was an entire gallon bag full of it - unopened.  I decided I didn't want to throw it all away, but what could I do with it? Google.  Shelters can take donations. I called around, no one answered, except the Salvation Army, so I asked them and they said absolutely we can take it and we brought that gallon bag of unopened soap to a good home and I felt good that we didn't just toss it.

I also wanted to buy another lotion.  My mother-in-law gave me this wonderful tube of hand lotion and I really like it and the way it smells and feels, but I've used it all up and so I wanted more.  Then I looked around and said, whoa, I have SO many lotions!  I have 20 lotions.  20!  What in the world??

It got me thinking about all the stuff I have in order to be "beautiful"  ... from make up to lotions, to hair removal, hair care, nails, skin, etc. etc.  It's TOO MUCH!  I realized that I'm not a clothes horse; I don't buy that many clothes and I purge my closet every season and give to Goodwill whatever I haven't worn that season.  I don't buy shoes often enough probably. I wait until they have holes in them and then get rid of them and buy a new pair.  However, I buy way too many lotions and potions and the latest thing that will "make me beautiful." I want to look like I'm 21 and smell like a flower all the time while being hairless everywhere except my head and that hair needs to be perfect and smooth and lovely...

I'm not 21, my legs are currently unshaven, and I don't always smell like a daisy.  I'm a real woman and I rarely look at myself and think I'm beautiful.  To be perfectly honest with you, I rarely look at myself at all.  I think when I was younger I may have had an outward, false sense of confidence and pride in my looks, but as I grew up that was teased and bullied out of me rather quickly. I soon learned that to be confident or proud even, of what you looked like was to be "stuck up" or "full of yourself" or even "vain."  Whatever I was confident about in my looks was torn down by others and slowly, I began to feel less than.  I began to focus on what I need to change or "fix" and lost the focus on what was beautiful about me.  

This is a problem that has persisted my entire adult life. How do I look?  That question.  Then there are other times when I just am like, well, this is good enough.  The weight wasn't a factor until the last five years or so, but that's a whole other blog.  I think the problem of what is beautiful for a woman becomes more intense as we age and then not only do we have to look "good," but we also now have to look young.  But we aren't young...

Step in - beauty business - buy this and you'll be beautiful!  It became a quest. I want to be beautiful and so all these products claim that I'll be 20 years younger and have perfect skin, hair, nails - I will become beautiful if I just pluck it, slather it on, wax it, shave it, tease it, lotion it, perfume it, lacquer it, buff and shine it (whatever it is).  

And you know what I've discovered - on this journey to loving myself? The real beauty secret is health.  Mental health. Wellness from the inside out.  Take care of yourself, eat well, exercise your body, take care of your MIND and mental well-being, your SPIRIT and the rest of the stuff won't matter quite as much.  I've been doing a daily affirmation with my kids and we say, "I am kind. I am honest.  I am enough.  I am loved." and at the end we give ourselves a big hug. I did it as much for them as I did for me.  I thought - maybe if someone had taught me these things from the time I was young - it would be easier for me to believe and live into now.

P.S.  I have now decided I will have ONE of each "beauty" item and use it until it's gone - not only to cut down on my spending on this stuff, but also to remind myself that how I feel about myself is the most important thing I have.   

Respect Yourself Enough to Walk Away

I don't have a lot to say right now, but I've had a moment of true clarity today.  This is all I have to say (do with it what you will): There will come a point in your life when there's such clarity that you must act, you don't know how you will act or what you will do, but you know you must MOVE because you cannot stay where you are one more dreadful, painful, horrifying minute.

Kauai Beach Resort: A Review

Kauai Beach Resort

The next three parts of the my series on Kauai are a departure from my "typical" blog because they are going to be reviews of the place we stayed and the next part will be a review of the restaurants and food we ate while on the island.  I actually LOVE to travel (although I'm not in love with flying) to new places and to eat out and according to Trip Advisor, I have 19,509 readers, 33 reviews and 18 helpful votes. I have zero clue how they track these things, but I assume they're legit.  Either way, I decided that I should share here instead and perhaps, might make it a more permanent part of my blog as time goes on.  After all, I am very honest, have good taste, and love to share my experiences with others in hopes that they do, indeed, find it helpful.

People - ALL the staff was incredible, kind, friendly, Jocelyn at the Towel Hut was amazing and Liz at the front desk that checked us in was also awesome! The cleaning crew did a phenomenal job, even called on the day I couldn't get out of bed to say they were sorry that the "do not disturb" sign was on and if I needed anything, they would gladly provide it for me at the front desk.  The day they forgot or ran out of lotion for our room re-stock, they gave me some at the front desk and an extra the next time.  I also visited the concierge to ask about acupuncture on the island and the woman (didn't write down her name) as so helpful, knowledgeable and kind (sadly, wasn't able to get acupuncture while there, but I think it would have rocked!).

Room - paper thin walls, we could hear the entire conversations of the people next to us, nice updated and modern decor 

Pool - beautiful and well-maintained, loved the amount of shaded areas and the chairs were nice and in good shape, a great pool-side bar, hot-tub, waterfalls, and a slide and wading pool area for the kids.

Beach - we could see it from our room and it was literally a 2 minute walk to the beach, amazing, but in desperate need of a full-time clean up crew (more on that in Part 4)

Gym - needs to be expanded add more machines, however it was well-stocked with plenty of fresh towels, wipes and water, and a nice working T.V. and a decent amount of weights and equipment for small space. 

Spa - needs an upgrade, need heated beds that actually work and are more plush, also some nicer rooms and an offer of water after the service, the service was pretty expensive (142 with tip for 50 minutes) and they didn't go a minute over or do any nice extras that I've had at lesser salons!  It's a resort spa and the experience was rather lack-luster.

Yoga - epic fail, first of all it was super early 7:30 AM, yet hot as hell on the lawn between the pool and the beach.  It would have been beautiful and serene with the ocean waves in the background, but it was so hot it was uncomfortable and we were all sweating a lot.  They should have put up some umbrellas or tents.  Also, the yoga "instructor" doubled as a concierge at the resort and was on his phone texting between poses which I thought was incredibly unprofessional.  He did an O.K. job, but it definitely could have been a lot better experience.  I've done yoga on the beach in Naples, it was equally hot and crazy, but the instructor brought cool towels, essentials oils and a misting fan and that was a 10 dollar pick-up class!

Restaurants - there are 3 on-site restaurants that were all pretty good, and a very good breakfast buffet (I'll review those in my next blog post)

OH - and chickens are everywhere, which I personally found hilarious, but I know some of the guests were a little freaked out by it.  I say, live and let live and they didn't bother me. They definitely were everywhere.  

Overall - I'd say a 4/5 star place and I would go back in a minute! Perhaps they'd like to have me back at a discounted rate so that I experience more and raise my review to a 5!  😉😉