Sad

"You have to go back to yourself, recognize the suffering in you, embrace the suffering, and you get relief.  And if you continue with your practice of mindfulness, you understand the roots, the nature of suffering, and you know the way to transform it."  Thich Nhat Hahn 

I've been thinking about sadness lately.  Why am I sad? What do I do with this sadness? How long ... etc. etc.

Truth is, I was so great when I wrote my last post.  I was back from a restful and purposeful vacation.  On vacation, I was intentional about my life and truly living in a mindful way. I was walking, praying, meditating, writing and reading every day.  I took breaks from people or situations when I needed to. It was a really good thing.  It was a time of real growth and a time to practice all that I've been learning.  I felt lighter and more self-assured when we first got back.

In the last week - things have been challenging. I don't want to go into all the details of everything, but it's been a series of setbacks and challenges that really knocked me down. From finances to friendships to feeling uncertain about the future and dreams - life just got "real" again, real quick.

So sadness fell over me like a heavy blanket.  Not a blanket of comfort or warmth, but one that felt suffocating.

I wanted to be real about it.  I want to let it out and talk about it because this is my journey and I share it with the hope that it helps someone else, as well as myself.  

I'm not going to stay in sadness, in fact, in some ways I already have felt it begin to lift, in the reminder of good friends who bring you coffee, who take time to talk you down from the ledge, in my husband and his constant care and love, and as always, my family.  I'm determined to live a grateful life.  

While, I'm not going to stay in sadness, I wanted to openly acknowledge it and say it's OK.  To myself.  To anyone who reads this.  Sadness is a part of life and it's OK to feel it. I'm going to feel what I feel and be OK with that.  I'm going to let it go, when it's time to let it go or let it go on it's own.  Either way, it will pass and knowing that is comforting and gives me peace.  I will continue to grow and learn that this is part of loving myself.  

Ungrateful

I've not written in a while on the blog because I've been on vacation and honestly, trying to unplug and decrease screen time as much as I could.  Unplugging meant not writing on the computer or checking emails too often, as well as, no Instagram or Facebook.   I don't even think I want IG or FB back, but I like promoting this little blog and sharing my observations and writings with others.  I've not yet reached quite the independent following I would like, so I've resigned myself to the idea that social media is still one place I can share my work and not have to peddle too hard.  

I spent the last two and a half weeks trying to rest and relax and do the things that give me peace and bring me joy (which is my word for 2019, will post more on that later). I've been taking time to breathe deep and look at the sky, the ocean, the sand, the nature around me, my husband and be grateful.  Grateful that I had a place to go that was sunny and warm and beautiful.  Grateful that I had paid time off with my husband.  Grateful that we were able to spend time alone together that was without distraction and the challenges of every day life or the stress of our jobs. Grateful for the daily meditation, prayer, walks on the beach walk, reading and journaling that I was able to do.  

Despite being on "vacation", there were a lot of moments 
when I was surrounded by people and places that were less than pleasant and in some regards quite toxic.  I took it as a time to reflect on how this made me feel, what my reactions to it were and how to practice self-control.  I also took this time to make some observations.  Here is what I observed:

1) When someone is not living in gratitude - in other words - when someone is ungrateful, they aren't capable of showing up completely for others.  What I mean by that is, when someone is busy complaining or nagging or bragging even, they can't really see what others need or how to help them. They also have a hard time relating to others in a healthy way.  They are self-centered, self-focused and driven to distraction by their own feelings/worries/fears, etc.

2) When someone is ungrateful they aren't capable of enjoying all they have, despite having far more than others.  

3) Money does not buy you happiness.  I have seen it with my own eyes.  People with multiple homes, cars, kids, and plenty of money to last them and their kids a lifetime, and yet, walking around angry, frustrated, sad, depressed and in all kinds of bad moods.  

4) Money does not buy you good health.  It can buy you good doctors, it can buy you good looks, it can buy you treatments, cures, health insurance, but it can't change your genetics, your DNA or your overall well-being.

5) People who are ungrateful just don't enjoy life!

6) People who are ungrateful often feel entitled to what they have and resent others for wanting the same things.

7) Last, but not least, I noticed that it is good to be in these types of environments and around people who are ungrateful and who are in fact extremely challenging if for no other reason than it reminds you of how not to be!  It also helped me practice my meditation, patience, and love.  It helped me to practice how to unplug from negativity, how to listen to and acknowledge others, but not agree. It helped me to use my healthy coping skills and mechanisms.  After all, what are these skills good for if they're not tested?

As we enter into 2019 - I encourage you to be grateful for all you have in your life and most importantly, who you have in your life!  Love and give energy to the people and activities that you truly enjoy and that are worth your time and energy and try to let the rest go.  Have an attitude of gratitude - expecting nothing - but appreciating every good thing you can!