Toxic

Toxic and dysfunctional environments breed toxic and dysfunctional people.  Even if you're a positive, over-all happy, functioning person - the toxicity will eventually take you over.  At the first sign of this you must leave before it takes it's toll on you both physically and emotionally.  What exactly defines a toxic environment?  There are so many articles written about this, but here's my compiled list from my own personal experience.

1) Lying is normal. No one should have to constantly question what is real or fake around them - they should be able to feel that they are being told the truth at all times and that they can trust those people around them.

2) You feel undervalued and underappreciated on a consistent, regular basis. You aren't complimented, you aren't acknowledged, what you do right isn't talked about, yet what you do wrong is highlighted.  You aren't compensated for your time and efforts - either monetarily (as in a work environment) or returned favors, taking turns with duties, etc.  

3) You aren't heard.  You feel as if you don't have a voice or if you do, you will either be shut down, dismissed, discounted or retaliated against for sharing your feelings or concerns.  While every little thing or every little complaint doesn't need to be made into a huge deal, your feelings and concerns should at least be heard and listened to with respect and understanding.

4) You feel put down.  When people are speaking to you or acting as if you're beneath them or as if you're naive or ignorant - whether you are or aren't - it's rude, demeaning and hurtful.  There's a way to inform people without being condescending or chastising.

5) There's a lack of trust (see number 1 - lying) and inconsistency in how people behave - saying one thing and doing another or telling people one thing to their face, but saying something different behind their back.  There's no loyalty or feeling that someone has your back and would support you, esp. in times of difficulty or strain.

6) You are abused in any way - verbally or physically.

7) You feel helpless or hopeless and long for a way out.  If you're constantly day-dreaming of a way out or actively looking for one ... it's time to go!

If you're experiencing any of this in your work, home, church, organization, etc.  You have the right to speak up and ask for change or you have the right to leave. No one can grow, blossom, be their best self or even strive to be, if they are in an environment like this!  These types of places are not conducive to learning, growing, facing challenges, productivity or positive outcomes!  If you stay too long you will either self-destruct or become destructive - or both.  You will begin to take on these traits and could become a toxic person too!    

Teacher Appreciation

A few of my gifts!

This week is "Teacher Appreciation" week in my school (and many around the state and country).  Teachers everywhere are being given (or not) all kinds of tokens of appreciation from gift cards to flowers to hand-written notes and drawings.  Every day we put in the blood, sweat and tears (sometimes literally) that goes into this job.  This job that is a janitor, a nurse, a psychologist, a social-worker and any number of other jobs, all rolled into one.  OH yeah, and we help them learn and prayerfully, give them skills they can use for a lifetime.  What we do matters, that much I know for sure. Isn't that why everyone has an opinion on what we do?  Or is it because, well, everyone went to school so doesn't that make them an expert?  Or is it because if you're a parent, surely you know what's best for your kid (and therefore, all kids)?  If you're a tax payer, don't you "pay their salaries"?  If you're a legislator or a law-maker - you know what teachers should be doing because you read a book or an article or met someone or something like that...Everyone is an expert at what teachers should and shouldn't be doing...yet so many are reluctant or even dare I say, above, actually DOING what we do.

It's a politically charged profession, especially these days with protests and strikes, people speaking out and saying, finally, enough is a enough!  Pay us a decent wage, don't neglect the students and their facilities, materials, technology needs, etc. etc.  Some have made a little bit of headway and some light has been shone on what we educators face these days - from vacuuming our own rooms to buying supplies and working way beyond those contracted hours.  Don't get me started on the dwindling retirement benefits and health care coverage.  I hope the world of education changes and makes it possible for me and those who love the kids and learning as much as I do, to keep going and keep doing what we educators do, for a long time. 

However, I want to give you a little glimpse of what teaching has been for me and it's all of the above, but it's more.  I've learned to be my best self with "my kids."  I am far more patient, loving, kind, compassionate, good and sweet than ever.  I often say, my kids get to see the best version of me.  They push me to be a good example and role model.  This year, I've truly had one of my best classes, and part of that has to do with me coming more into my own as a person, and imparting the self-love and self-care that I've tried to do personally, to them.  As I've delved further into self-awareness and mindfulness, so have they.  I'm so proud of all the kids I've helped over they years, but this year in particular, I've enjoyed the kids more on a relational level than ever before.  Almost all of them, we just click.  We get each other.  You may think that's crazy because none of them look like me - not one of them - but I see something special, wonderful, and even one small thing I can identify with in each and every one.  I've prayed daily for them and about them.  One child in particular, has shared a similar, deeply scarred and sad story, as mine, but because I know exactly what I wish someone would have said to me way back when and how I wished someone would have advocated for me back then...I thank God every day that He made me this child's teacher and I thank Him every day for healing. 

I don't know that a lot of people could say that about their chosen profession or job.  I don't know many other jobs that each and every day they get hugs, compliments, hilarious stories to tell and be told, facilitate learning and see someone learn something brand new for the first time, to see accomplishments and progress, to see "the light bulb go on", while also tying shoes, handing out tissues, consoling, disciplining, being accidentally called mom, grandma, auntie...it's a unique, exhausting, at times truly crazy and mind-blowing, yet, wonderful experience.  Above all, I appreciate my students and the gifts they are to me.

A sweet letter from a student!