Our Cat Fozzy

A few days ago our beloved cat, Fozzy became sick.  He was better, then sick again, then better and then really sick over the course of 4-5 days.  He is at the vet now with an IV of fluids, various other drugs and waiting on results from blood work.  I'm struggling hard to "keep it together" and try to take care of myself.  I'm trying to remain hopeful and optimistic, although it's difficult and the results of the x-ray are not promising.  I am desperate for a miracle.  If you're a praying person - please pray for Fozzy and for us.  He's the sweetest cat in the world.  Everyone who meets him likes him.  When I got him from the shelter 10 years ago, he was a tiny little puff ball with a tail.  He would lay in my arms like a baby or drape over my shoulder and just walk around with me (something he does even today).  He always curls up with  me or my husband on the couch or in bed at night.  Fozzy really has the spirit of love inside him.  As you know, we got the new kitten over a week ago now and she is super cute, playful and sweet.  She appears to be in great shape and good health so far.  She's had all of her shots and is ready to play all the time.  I am praying she and Fozzy will be fast friends and able to spend time together for years to come. 

Keep praying!  It can happen.  I know it can.

Day 1 - No COMPLAINING CHALLENGE

Didn't do that great at not complaining.  It's hard to work where I work and do what I do and not complain.  Better luck tomorrow.

Gratitude:

I'm grateful for parents who RAISE THEIR CHILDREN and teach them to respect adults.
I'm grateful for the shoes on my feet - comfortable and affordable and even kinda cute.
I'm grateful for my family, the hubs, the cats.
I'm grateful for all my friends.
I'm grateful for coffee - esp. the new at-home latte from Starbucks I've discovered.  It's amaze!
I'm grateful that I have air conditioning on a hot 80 degree day.
I'm grateful for the sun and the birds and the bees and the flowers and the trees..and a thing called LOVE.

Thanks be to God and in all circumstances I will give glory and thanksgiving - for no matter what - God is with me.  I know it's a tough time I'm going through and my faith is being tested, my courage is being tested and I'm weary to step out in faith, but I believe it's time.  God grant me the courage and strength and wisdom to do the right thing at the right time in the right place with the right words and with understanding and absolute clarity.  If I must leap, God, please catch me and help me soar.

Amen.

Feel free to reply if you're also trying not to complain and trying to keep the gratitude journal - how's it going???

Complaining

A friend of mine sent me a link to a YouTube video from a woman named Terry Savelle Foy - she's not necessarily my "cup of tea" so I'm not going to post the video here, feel free to look her up if you so desire.  Regardless of whether I might have been slightly offended by my friend sending me this (I mean what is this? A hint that I'm complaining too much?  That she's over my bitching about stuff I can't control or that I can control, but am afraid to act on. Maybe she's just tired of negativity from me and I'm a downer??) the truth is - she's right.  I do need to stop complaining because even I am over my own self and it's simply not solving my problem.  I'm not "talking it out" or "figuring it out through talk." There comes a time when you simply need to make a decision and follow through.  Act on it and be done.

Has this ever happened to you?  You get on the hamster wheel of worry, sadness, anxiety, over thinking, complaining, or all of the above?  You find yourself somewhat addicted to the wheel, so you never really get off, but you never solve your problem either.  You never find solutions or gain the ability to focus on the good and positive and propel yourself into a new place.  You simply stay going around and around.  Maybe you tell yourself, I need to talk about these things, this is how I deal with my feelings and this helps me gain clarity and figure out what to do.  

Maybe it does and maybe it doesn't.  After a while, if complaining and over thinking and what ever else it is you do (maybe you gossip or talk too much in general about things that don't really matter) becomes disruptive and perhaps even pushes others away, it's time to stop.  Are you addicted to the pain, the disruption, the drama? It's a cycle and it must be broken.  It can only be broken if you have the clarity to know it's a problem and the will/tools/skills/help to make it stop.  

Get. Off. The. Wheel.  One foot at a time.  Eventually, you'll be off it for good.  Just know this dear readers, whomever you might be, I'm speaking to myself too.

In the contents of the video that my friend sent me is a 30 day challenge.  30 day challenge to stop complaining (about anything - can't even say, oh I'm so tired, hungry, annoyed, over it, etc.)  and to keep a daily gratitude journal every day (you write down everything you are thankful for).   Challenge accepted.  

I'm going to keep you posted on how it's going.  Pray for me!  I hope you'll try the challenge too...what can it hurt?  And you might even find that you're happier!   Many blessings to you.

New Life!

I'm so excited!  We got a new kitten.  Her name is Lu Lu and she's absolutely adorable. Usher in new life and anticipation and excitement into our home...it's wonderful.  There are of course, responsibilities and careful measurements, as we have our sweet, Fozzy who needs to be protected, loved and nurtured too.  We have to be very careful about the introduction and we're following veterinary guidelines and suggestions, even if it's tough. We will be waiting 2 weeks to introduce them and to make sure she's got all her vaccines before the official introduction and it will be hard for us all. However, we're good and responsible pet owners and we value sage advice.

This is how life is, isn't it? Anything new, especially new life in a home, can be scary and full of responsibilities and worries, but it can also be SO thrilling, full of hope and anticipation of all the great things you will do and memories you will make.  You want to honor and respect the gift you've been given, while enjoying it too! It can also make you think of those who have passed or sometimes even make you cry - both joy and sorrow.

We lost Queen in November 24, 2015.  She was with me for 17 years and we went through so much together.  Having a new kitten has brought back so many memories of when Fozzy was a kitten and introducing him to Queen.  I miss her.  We will miss her always.  Still miss Mom Cat - whom Lu Lu really favors - and still miss our dog, Ricky and they've both been gone 20 years or more now.  It's amazing how animals touch our lives and how they fill in all those empty spaces in your heart.  I think because they love and love and love like no human ever could.  I think because they need you, want you and bring you so much joy.  The cost of love is great, but it's always worth it.  In the end, letting go of these precious babies is hard, so hard, as with the death of a family member, and yet, new life always comes.  Always.  Today I am truly so grateful and full of happiness.

By the way - Lu Lu was born in November.  ;)

Life is good.  Be blessed dear readers.  Be blessed.

Fail

So much for positivity - I feel like I'm kinda in a stagnant place. I'm not giving in to full on depressed and negative mode, but honestly guys, I need a break through.  I need something to keep me going.  I haven't been taking my herbs or exercising - so yes, I have work to do.  The positivity worked for about 8 hours yesterday - amazingly - through work - then it fell off between traffic, late to an appointment, finding out someone I used to know died of cancer (a person my own age with small children) rude people, MONEY issues, etc.  On a positive note (ha) my husband did end up making it a great night by giving me extra TLC and taking me out to dinner! He also gave me a good pep talk to say - Babe - we got this, you and me, that's more than a lot people have and we're blessed beyond measure with all of our needs met and then some. (If I've never mentioned that he's a good guy - he's a good guy). A silver lining to what seemed like kind of a fail.  I said I'd follow up - so I am.  The good news is also that it did force me to be mindful - like when I started to say something negative - I rephrased it.  Example: So and So is so incompetent and clueless - instead I said, we really do have so many talented folks around us. Also, I noticed that I felt like the positive energy paid off because even though I was late to my appointment and they didn't have to take me, in fact I was going to reschedule, they did.  In a way I felt I was rewarded for my efforts to be positive all day, despite the many, many challenges of my current situations.

I keep hearing that many great people "failed" before they "succeeded"  - I think I'm about due for a big success.

Keep your head up - I say to myself and to anyone else out there struggling.

Assumptions

Do not ever think you know someone's story unless you've asked them or you've been privileged enough to have them tell you.  YOU DO NOT KNOW what someone has been through or is going through.  You have NO right to say, "Oh they don't know what it's like to struggle" or "Oh they haven't had this kind of life experience so they don't know."  You have zero clue what anyone has been through.  You cannot tell by looking at a person's current situation exactly where they've been or how they got to where they are or where they're headed.  

Don't ever assume that because someone doesn't look and act the way you think they should that it means they don't know.

Something happened to me today that really pushed a button.  Someone made an assumption about my life that was completely false.  Why?  They see where I am today, they see that I have great expectations, they see that I don't hang around with folks who have self-pity and play the victim - they assumed that means I've never been a victim or that I haven't had to ever work hard or piece things together to make it work.  They do. not. know.  I've experienced so much in my life that I don't even want to try and rehash it.  I don't live there anymore.  I know from very personal experience that you do have a choice as to whether you live your life as a person who has life happen to you and continues to allow yourself to be victimized - or you can be a victor.  You can live life triumphantly and rise so far above those circumstances that it seems as if it was another life.  It will always be a part of me - the struggles, the hurts, the pains, the things people "did to me" or things that life has thrown my way - but they will NEVER define me.  

There's this amazing quote from a Beth Moore bible study that I did YEARS and years ago and I've never forgotten it - I want to go through the fire and come out not even smelling like smoke.  It doesn't mean that it doesn't touch you or change you - it means God protected you so well and you made it to the other side so refined and changed profoundly that no matter what happened to you - you came out as if you'd never been touched by it.  You didn't even smell like smoke.  There's this really awesome explanation of it here: http://mom2momconnection.com/2007/10/04/refined-by-fire-beth-moores-daniel-week-3-of-12/

My point is this - just because you see who I am today - don't think I haven't been where you've been or in similar circumstances and even if I haven't - that doesn't mean I can't sympathize or have compassion for you. Just because someone chooses joy and chooses to live a different way, doesn't mean they don't understand or that they've never been there.  

Judge not lest ye be judged.  And I'm the first to need this message folks - don't for a second think I don't go around saying oh she should and he should and why doesn't he...blah blah blah...but I know it's wrong and I know how crappy it feels to be on the receiving end and that's why I've been over the last year and a half, making a conscious choice to keep my opinions out, my mouth shut and observe more.  To wish things were perhaps different, but realize that most people are doing the best they can with what they've got and love them where they are.  That doesn't mean I have to associate with it or get down in it in a way that's harmful, but it means I can love them from afar or give them prayer and encouragement in my own way.  It means I can be about the business of "doing me" and about the business of being a better person today than I was yesterday.  Be blessed readers.  Be blessed.

Lost Voice

I've lost my voice.  No, not theoretically or figuratively (although I do believe that's happening too...I'll get there in a moment), but actually lost my voice.  I have allergies and so that can inflame the throat and cause laryngitis.  It's an interesting thing that happens when you have to speak softly. I couldn't raise my voice or project and people around me, especially my students, began to speak more softly too and some of them even whispered.  It was kind of funny, but it was also poignant.  

It made me start to think even more deeply about that.  I'm going to conduct my own little experiment over the next couple of days and blog about it.  It won't be necessarily "scientific" or "official", it will be my own personal observation.  If I speak softly, will others speak softly around me?  If I speak only positively, will others speak positively around me?  If I do nothing but complain, will others only complain around me?  I think this is something worth exploring.  On two levels I find this to be an exciting and enticing endeavor.  First, I will be getting some enjoyment and fun out of it because I've always wanted to be an investigator or detective and I've always been fascinated with sociology and psychology.  Second, it will cause me to be more mindful of what I say before I say it and be particularly mindful of how people respond to me. Third, it will be a cool way to build content for the blog :)

I've lost my figurative voice in some ways too. I'm learning how to keep that voice strong, but not so much with words (I've never been shy to being honest, open and voicing my opinions), but with actions.  I've decided that yes, there are many times to speak up and to make a case for what is needed or what you believe, etc. however, now is not that time for me.  I've decided I'd rather not talk about what I believe as much anymore, not voice my opinions as much, not talk about things that cannot be changed, rather just DO what I can and put my energy into showing what I believe. I'd rather spend my precious time on making real, lasting change.

Tomorrow, I'm going to be positive all day.  Speaking positively and not in a fake, Pollyanna way, but I'm going to genuinely look for positive things to speak on.  I realize it might be challenging at times, but I'm going to do it.  I'm going to see, is it contagious?  I'm going to keep a little notepad with me and take notes (like an undercover reporter, but maybe a little more obvious, but I'm not going to tell anyone what I'm doing).  I'll be taking notes on what I say and how others respond and where I am and who I'm with, etc.  I'm actually pretty jazzed about this!  Look for my report in the next couple of days!

In the meantime - think about your own voice, think about how you speak...are your words and actions matching?  How do others react to you?  Does something need to change?  

A Dream Deferred - Harlem

Harlem

Related Poem Content Details

BY LANGSTON HUGHES

What happens to a dream deferred?

      Does it dry up

      like a raisin in the sun?

      Or fester like a sore—

      And then run?

      Does it stink like rotten meat?

      Or crust and sugar over—

      like a syrupy sweet?

      Maybe it just sags

      like a heavy load.

      Or does it explode?

Langston Hughes will forever be one of my favorite poets. If I could have  even an ounce of his talent I would be so grateful.

Trump

Cheeto

Bruno Mars

SO maybe if I write about Trump then I'll get 300 views. Maybe if I write about celebrity then I'll get 300 views. Problem is those things don't really interest me.  I have opinions about those things for certain, some informed and some just because that's how I feel about it.  For example, I just don't like Trump. I'm a very honest person, a blunt person even at times, so I get it that people are OVER all the rhetoric and they are liking a guy who "tells it like it is".  I have plenty of sarcastic, snarky comments to make on a regular basis and I can be very judgey (I made that word up) and I usually like people who tell it like it is, but there's something slimy about the way he does it.  I could go on, but I'd rather not. 

As for celebrity - I really enjoy movies a lot, I also love music. I am currently replaying and replaying it LOUDLY in the car, at the house cleaning, whenever I can: Bruno Mars' album "24K Magic"  it makes me SO happy and bouncy!  However, do I believe that these people really deserve MILLIONS of dollars for their craft??  No.  We value entertainment over education in this country. By that I mean - we'd rather be entertained than educated.  I mean according to this website neurosurgeons don't even make a million a year http://www.payscale.com/research/US/Job=Neurosurgeon/Salary

Don't even get me started on the salaries of civil servants and military.  I just don't know when we will get our priorities right.  In the meantime I'm going to continue to write about what I want and not just what will "sell" or "get views".  I don't want to be a sell-out as they say, but I would love to make money at my own craft.  I want to be a writer that is PAID and paid well, to do what I love and speak about it.  I want to be respected and have others be inspired by what I say.  I need an agent, I need a mentor, I need a lot of help. This blog is just a baby step and I'm just at a place of frustration.  I don't mind putting in work, everyone knows I have a strong work ethic and I'm typically very dedicated to whatever I do.  There are changes that need to be made and I guess the truth is I'm impatient.  I want it yesterday.  I want answers now and I want to know exactly what's going to happen.  Sigh.  I guess that's my work for today, realize that everything will come in due time.    

Meanwhile listen to a little Bruno and smile :)  

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UqyT8IEBkvY

Taking Care of YOU!

I've been listening to a lot of Tony Robbins lately because I haven't had much time to read the book - and it's getting tough now - in terms of comprehension and it's requiring a certain level of focus that I just don't have.  However, listening to and from work or at night before I sleep or even while I fall asleep seems to be working for me right now.  I have been learning to love myself and so the best way to do that is to take care of yourself and listen to what your body, mind and soul are telling you that you need.

Here's what my mind and soul need right now - love and patience and slow down and it's ok if you don't eat an elephant in one BIG bite.  I've been giving myself permission to make progress, even if it's a baby step, I tell myself, it's a baby step in the right direction.  Progress is progress (see one of my previous posts) and so instead of getting down or discouraged and thinking every goal must be accomplished right now or else - I've been telling myself - every step toward the goal is progress and is good. Therefore, if all I can do right now is listen to Robbins and apply some of the principals or even just one and work steadily toward it - then that is great!  The old cliche is true - Rome was not built in a day. Put the energy toward the goal, not into complaining or worrying or fretting over what might happen or what is currently happening that's out of your control - focus on the result.

What my body needs is energy. One good way to to do this is exercise - which I must admit I've been slacking on.  Another thing that my body does need badly in order to even get energy to exercise - is  rest and so one way I've been getting better rest and more quality rest is listening to meditations and these are two of my favorites:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8KzrrgIpHa8

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qjxRLQlrY_U&t=2392s

Taking care of myself is often challenging because I am a giver and I am someone who really does take care of others well.  I am a wife and a teacher to 19 VERY NEEDY children (some as needy as 5 in 1) every single day.  It's challenging because I don't always make myself a priority and at the heart of the matter is I used to believe that I wasn't worthy of it or good enough for it.  That is changing.  That's the best progress.  I encourage you - you can only continue to give when you're well on the inside and out.   Take care of YOU - first.  It's not selfish - it's crucial.