Fake

I've not had much time to write, as year 11 has now begun.  Hard to believe I've been in this game this long.  I'm proud of all that I've accomplished as an educator and all that I still have to accomplish.  I'll never stop learning - in any area of life - because I honestly believe the day you stop learning is the day you die.  I can always be a better wife, a better sister, daughter, friend, educator, writer, etc. etc.  I can always improve, but yet love myself right where I am, all at the same time.  Bottom line: I'm not, nor will I ever be, perfect.  What I love best about myself and what I think others treasure about me (or at least that's what they tell me) is that I'm very honest, authentic and real.  You know what I think, what I feel and how I behave all match up.  Not saying that's always a good thing, but it's the real thing.  I tell it like it is and I keep it very real.  Some people do not like that.  They'd rather have pleasantries and surface relationships because if they're around someone real it forces them to look closer at themselves and they may not like what they see.  I take an inventory of where I am fairly regularly.  

Where I am now is I truly do not have time for fake, false or phony people or situations.  If it's not authentic or serving a higher good, I'm not for it. Recently there's been a few people who are not in my life anymore and I'm good with that.  People who cannot handle a bad day, a negative feeling, a real emotion, a person who says exactly how they feel and deals directly with others (not talking about aggressive, talking about having an honest, straightforward conversation).  I'm not here for that.  Life is too short.  I'm not here for people who aren't here for me and I'm definitely not here for anyone who doesn't see the value in who I am as a person.  I'm not begging for people's time or attention.  I'm a grown person who has better things to do with my time than worry about who likes me or doesn't or who wants to talk crap.  I'd rather have three real friends than thirty bullshit ones. 

The other thing is - my life is very real - even on social media - if I post happy pics it's because I am legitimately happy.  If I post sad or negative posts, well, that's where I am or if I don't post at all, I'm either too pissed to put it out there or too busy to care.  If I post a pic of my hubs, it's not because I'm trying to fake everyone out to think we're really happy together when at home we're falling apart...we are genuinely happy.  I don't post things for the benefit of others really - I post them typically, out of an overflow of where I am and to just shout it out!  Even my fertility or infertility blogs or posts are from a real, deep place inside of me.  I try hard to lift others up and usually the bi-product of that is I get lifted as well.  You can rest assured though that I'm not over here worrying about if you're jealous, not jealous, think I've made it or that I have a great life or not.  That's between me and God.  Period.

I've been slowly reading the book, Tuesday's with Morrie, if you don't know the book - look it up - it's pretty awesome.  It really puts life into perspective.   No one is promised tomorrow and I personally don't want to go out without every single person whom I am close to knowing they're important and precious to me.  I love hard and it's real.  I'm loyal and kind - if you cross me - well believe it or not - I'll wish you well and let you go, but don't expect a  second invitation to my table.  Forgiveness isn't about allowing people back into your life, it's about wishing them well and releasing negativity or harm. There are very few seats at this table and I only allow REAL people to sit with me and share the time.  The coveted time we have here on earth is just too fleeting to be anything else but true, honest, fun and life-giving.

Peace.