Dandelions

"When you look at a field of dandelions, you can see a hundred weeds or a hundred wishes." Anonymous 

When you read my blog, you get the good, the bad and the ugly.  It's the real deal - my writing is probably the truest form of myself that I choose to share with people.  In the past I've been hesitant and thought an awful lot (probably too much) about how will people take that or what will people think if I write that, etc.  In the last few posts I've been really open and honest about our struggles with trying to conceive a child.  For three long years, I stayed silent about it because I just didn't know what to think or how to deal with it and honestly, I feared what people would think.  I still have a tinge of - whoa - you're giving WAY too much info about your personal life here and PUBLICLY PUBLISHING it for the world to see.  I mean, I'm not an international star (yet), but 700 views and counting means that most likely....at least a hand full of folks have read my blog and shared it with others and in all of that are people I see face-to-face or know me or of me, which is kinda a weird feeling. 

So this week we found out that yet again, we aren't pregnant.  It was more devastating this time for some reason because we were all in.  We prayed more, we did more intervention, we had others praying more, we were so incredibly hopeful and ready.  We were so sure this was the time and that if we just believed hard enough...this was it.  And yet, it wasn't.  I didn't collapse completely or give in completely to the sadness, but it was close. Very. close.

I'll tell you what saved me.  God.  God not in the way that I heard my name spoken or I saw a vision or anything (but God, I welcome that when you're ready to give me some more insight and clarity :), but in the way of my people.  By my people, I mean my friends and family.  The way people showed up for me and continue to show up for me, every single day, continuously blows my mind.  It makes me tear up...it reminds me of just how LOVED I am.  

My friends and family have reached out to me, prayed with me, for me and sent me all their love and support in so many ways.  From my sister and niece and nephew bringing me a doughnut on the day I couldn't get out of bed because my grief was tangible, to my friends coming to my home and smiling, laughing and hugging me. The text messages and phone calls from friends and family.  My husband just hugging me and holding me and being very real with me about his own feelings and struggles.  What has also been incredible and a true gift to me are the responses to my blog posts and the heartfelt messages of people's own stories. My cup runneth over with pure gratitude and deep appreciation for the way God shows me how important I am to the people in my life and how important they are to me.  Don't give up - that's the message I keep getting - no matter what - don't give in or give up.  Dreams are still attainable and miracles are still possible.  

I encourage you - no matter what it is you're struggling with - look for the silver lining - look for the rainbow, look at the field and see the wishes, not the weeds.  Know that there is a purpose and a plan and you just have to keep climbing and hoping and dreaming...you will get there, but you've got to keep going.  Blessings and love to all of you who read this.  

Links to infertility posts: 
http://saratate3.blogspot.com/2018/06/release.html
http://saratate3.blogspot.com/2018/06/no-experience-is-wasted-oprah-winfrey.html
http://saratate3.blogspot.com/2018/07/rainbow.html