No Experience is Wasted

Watching a re-run of "Super Soul Sunday" https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SuBnKBz8cgM this morning with the famous basketball coach, Phil Jackson, I had my own "aha" moment.  During the interview Oprah asked him about how the players felt about him "bringing in all this zen stuff" and he said he was very careful about what he introduced to the players because he wanted to be sensitive to whatever religion they had been brought up with or whatever religious practices they already had. Jackson was sensitive to that because as a child he grew up in a very strict religious home that was not tolerant of other religions or religious practices.  He also said he could relate to his players and their fears and/or anxieties because when he was a player himself, he had been benched for an entire season due to severe back injury.  He also said he got pretty close to his coach during that time when he was injured, which had given him the experience and knowledge of coaching that he used later in his own coaching career. To which Oprah responded, "No experience is wasted."

Those of you who read my last blog post  http://saratate3.blogspot.com/2018/06/release.html , know that I shared my deeply personal struggle with infertility and this journey we are on to have a child.  There's an interesting thing that happens when you share your story with the public (700 folks in my case, so it's not exactly Oprah's international viewing audience, but hey, everyone's gotta start somewhere).

First, people have come out of the woodwork telling me their own stories and that has been amazing and comforting, as well as reassuring that I am not alone.   It also made me feel awesome that what I wrote really spoke to other people in a way that made them feel less alone.   It also let me know how many people really DO care and really are rooting for us and just even asking, hey are you OK? has been so sweet, amazing and reaffirming.  It's simple, but it's so kind and it has meant the absolute world to me.  Everyone wants to feel seen and heard, especially in their most vulnerable and painful experiences.

Second, there's been some mixed emotions to people's lack of response.  I don't care if I ever hear from a stranger about what I write, but when you put something out there that's a real look into your heart and soul - and there's silence from friends and family - you cannot help, as a human being to feel like - wow, OK, so I bled all over the page there and you said nothing?  Not. One. Thing.  It's hurtful at first.  Then you just breathe and say, well not everyone reads your blog and not everyone knows what to say, and frankly, not everyone cares. I've noticed since I began this venture of writing and blogging and putting it out there to begin my career as a writer that not everyone will be supportive.  That's the facts and I'm learning how to not take it personal, even though, that can be a challenge sometimes.  You cannot control anyone but you.

Third, I've also received some lame and insensitive comments too.  I think it's mainly because people want to be "helpful" or "supportive", but in fact, a lot of them have been hurtful. Mostly people I think don't know what to say - just a simple - I'm sorry and I'm here for you would suffice - honestly.  Just knowing that you actually care is so much better than a flip comment.  I do not want to step on anyone's toes or "call anyone out" because it can get tricky and people can be jerks if they think you're writing about them - and people take things as it's about them half the time - even if it isn't. 

Finally, I've gotten some outside response that has been really exciting and cool for me. I've been reaching out to and finding others who have experienced the horrors of the insurance companies and I reached out to a group called Patients Rising https://patientsrising.org/ to find out how I could help.  I was then asked to share my story and they liked it and want to publish it!  I've written the first part of the article and there will be a follow up to it.  I'll definitely let everyone know when it comes out and I'll share the heck out of it because 1) I'm proud and 2) It's going to help A LOT of people and maybe, just maybe, it will help some change happen.

SO - although this infertility journey has been a roller coaster of emotions - this experience is already helping others.  This experience is not wasted.  I thank God for the ways I'm continuously shown how my pain can be used for a purpose.  What I thought at first would take me out, has actually launched something amazing.  I'm not at a point where I can say I'm grateful for what we are going through, but I can see how it's being used to help others and for that, I am thankful.

Thank you to anyone and everyone who has thanked me for writing it, it means so much to me.