As you know last week our cat almost died. Dead. Death is not scary to me, but it's the unknown that scares me. What happens next? I'm always desperate to know so I can "prepare" or "plan" ... I'm fine with whatever the news is, be it cancer or death or whatever, but I just need to KNOW. The fact is folks, you just don't know. You do not know what will happen next - even if you're psychic and can read the future - you don't get the messages in clear, black and white, typed out, easy-to-read answers. In church yesterday the pastor mentioned Adam and Eve and their desire to "be God". Isn't that what wanting to know is all about? We believe (even I do) that knowledge is power and that if we just know, then everything will be OK because we saw it coming and we prepared. Is that really true though? I'm an investigator by nature, I'm a teacher and knowledge seeker. I want to know. In this day and age of information everywhere and the want/need to decipher what we learn, etc. there's so much out there to know. I want to be ready and to be informed. I want to know.
We didn't know. There were tests run and waiting and more tests and more waiting. In the waiting I was distraught. I was crying as if he was dying; as if he was dead. I was praying and crying and just needing answers. I got the answer I needed, but not the one I was looking for. The vet we took him to kept saying "cancer" and "euthanasia" and "the worst I've seen" etc. It was just so grim. I talked to our mobile vet, she is the one who comes to the house for just maintenance and she came and helped our Queen over to the other side. She's amazing and loving and kind. She and I talked on the phone and she said the most helpful words I had heard that entire five days, "Don't give up on him, don't give up." And you know what I did? I got up off the couch. I wiped my face and I cleaned his entire litter box area from top to bottom and I said to myself, I'm going to prepare this house as if he's coming home. I said out loud - I rebuke this negative attitude and I choose faith. If he doesn't come home, I'll deal with it then. If he doesn't survive this, I'll deal with it then. Until then, I will prepare this house and act as if he is coming home. I will believe that he is coming back and that he will be well.
I believe that this was the true turning point. I began to visualize him coming home and playing with Lu Lu and curling up on my lap and sleeping next to me as he did before. I envisioned him eating again and back to his normal self. Chill and relaxed as he was. I began to feel infinitely better. I began to hope and to feel OK. I didn't feel happy or elated, but I felt OK. I felt like I could breathe. I didn't have any more answers that afternoon then I did in the days before, but I felt in my heart that everything would be OK. And it was. And it is.
Fozzy is back home and doing wonderfully. I don't know how long it will last, I don't know what will come next, and we still don't know for certain what it was that made him sick - if it's cancer or not. The tests he needed for certainty weren't able to be done because he was so sick. I'm not going to get the tests done either. We are so glad to have him here and we are so grateful to God and to everyone who prayed for him and for us. I believe that God saved Him and I don't care what anyone thinks about it. I believe that God gave me the strength and gave me the courage and the ability to SEE it differently. I believe He was healed because I refused to give up. It was by faith. I carry that in my heart and that's all the knowledge I need.
It's dangerous to have hope....because "what if", but it feels so much better to have hope and to believe than it does to live in fear and darkness. It takes guts to say, I don't care what it is, I'm going to act as if. I'm going to prepare my house for all the blessings. I'm going to look around and SEE my blessings. I'm going to be grateful. I'm not going to be down and out before I even know the outcome. I'm going to believe the outcome is good. I'm going to believe. I'm going to prepare this house for the blessings.
Prepare your house for whatever it is you're looking for friends. If it's good for you and if it's what is meant to be - prepare your house. Get clear and get ready. Your blessings are right in front of you. Be well my dear readers, be well.
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