Friends.

These are a few pictures of my friends. My real friends. My husband is one of my best friends, as is my sister - they are also my closest friends (they aren't pictured here and neither is one of my good friends because she didn't want her pic. posted - and like a true friend - I honored that). Everyone wants to be liked and accepted - it's part of being human.  Some people need it or want it more than others and by more or less number of people, etc. however, everyone wants to "get along" and feel like people understand them or at the very least, like them.  I've always been a person who values real, deep friendships.  I have a few very close friends whom I've known majority of my adult life - 17 plus years in some cases!  They are real friends - friends I call in the good and bad times, friends who I feel "know" me and friends whom I "do life" with.    

Anyone who knows me well (or not even that well) knows that I have a strong personality.  I have opinions, I'm not afraid to share them and I'm very honest with anyone who asks me for it (and sometimes even folks who don't), however, I love deeply and I'm loyal once I've decided you are my friend.  I will defend you to any outside person, I will be there for you at 2 am and in every moment of true need, and I will most certainly be your champion at every turn.  I'm genuinely happy for my friends when they do well. I will always want what's best for you and if you need advice or help on anything - I'm there. I also love to have fun and engage deeply in life with you. That's the truth.  I can also be jealous and critical and stubborn.  I can be too sensitive and sometimes I get offended, but I believe if we're true friends, we can talk it out and come to an understanding.  

In the last five years, I've been branching out and connecting with more people (particularly through work, since I've been there a while now) and it's been an interesting experiment. It has been a painful process at times. I've been hurt by people, I've misunderstood people and vice versa, and I've thought friendships were deeper than they were. I've had people not be honest with me or themselves. I've come across people who minimize my feelings by "one-upping" problems.  I've had to find out through social media that I wasn't invited, etc. All of this can breed insecurity, make you feel like, wow, what did I do or make you look at someone differently and think, this isn't a person I want to be close with.  

I've had a tough time taking down the "walls" that I've built to protect myself.  I've been encouraged to be my authentic self with everyone, and what people do with that is their choice. I do believe it's O.K. to be mindful about what you share and who you share it with, but not to the point where you're constantly guarded and distrustful.  I've found that my gut will tell me clearly whether or not the person can be trusted. I've also learned in this process that not everyone is going to be your real friend AND THAT'S OK and in fact, a necessary part of life.  You truly cannot connect on a deeper level with majority of people and again, that's a good and healthy thing.

Time will tell whether the relationship is worth putting in the time or not. Life is too short to waste time on or put energy into empty relationships.  There are ups and downs to every relationship and the lasting ones you will be able to work through your down and hopefully, communicate effectively. Even when you're hurt or there are misunderstandings - the goal is to get better and do better in your relationship and usually conflict is the best teacher.  The lasting friendships will be the friendships that you can share your real feelings, your real self, and will stand the test of time.

There will be times when you'll have to release people (see blog: http://saratate3.blogspot.com/2017/01/time-to-let-them-go.html)

I've also made a couple of good friends in the last couple of years too.  Women who I can be real with and who can be real with me.  Women who are willing to put themselves out there and to share their lives.  Women whom are slowly becoming people who I admire and trust.  Women who are championing me and my success and vice versa.  That's a beautiful thing.