Christmas is a holiday that makes a lot of people sad. Thanksgiving doesn't tend to be that way. It's because of pressure, the expectation, the Christmas cards with pristine white hills and a little fireplace glow...the kids with hot cocoa and the parents smiling affectionately. It's the idea that peace and love are everywhere and that all we have to do is "believe", etc. Maybe that's true, but there's something about Christmas that can really make people feel down.
1) Family. The idea of family is a BIG stressor for so many people. Family dysfunction and toxic family dynamics - the pressure to "get along" and to "bite your tongue" and just "get through" the family gatherings. Many people don't even like their own family members (after all you didn't get to choose them - like your friends or your spouse) and loathe the thought of being around them, yet, they take what is supposed to be a special time of year and make it dreadful by spending time with people they don't like because they feel like, well, Christmas is about family.
2) Loss. This is a big one. Many people are missing someone or many people, at this time of year. Maybe they had a family member they actually did cherish and love and that person is now gone. They long for them at this time of year because there is a pressure - people are all rushing off to be with their loved ones at this time (sometimes people actually do love their family and enjoy their time with them) and they have an empty seat at the table. They wish they could talk to that person one more time, to laugh with them, to look at their face and feel their hand - to just be physically in their presence, just one more time. Also, the loss of relationships - either through estrangement, divorce, break-up, etc. People miss people at this time of year sometimes even more than other times. Even if there has been weeks, months, years since the loss has happened, something about Christmas can make the loss feel fresh and deeply painful all over again, as if it was the first time that you're feeling it.
3) Expectations. You might be the person who wants the perfect decorations, Christmas cards, or gifts to give or receive. You might be the person who wants the best party or to be invited to all the parties, etc. Or maybe you need the food to be elaborate and delicious, the table to be set just so, and all the right people to be in attendance. Instead, you burned the bread, the Jones' had somewhere else to be that night, and the cat climbed up the tree, knocked it down and broke a bunch of ornaments. You wanted that perfect gift for your husband/wife and you ended up with a gas station gift card (if that's your favorite or what you asked for, don't get mad at me, please). Life doesn't go as planned. In fact, majority of things (even some of the BEST things) in life can't be planned. We don't have control.
That's just it - we don't have control over anything, except ourselves. Control is an illusion. The idea that we can manipulate and control anything and everything. That somehow we are in "charge." I'm not at all suggesting we should just float around and wait and see what happens...I'm not saying that all of life is just happening to you or around you and you're just a feather in the wind...but I am saying (and mainly to myself here) to lighten up. Not in a flippant way or a dismissive way, but to let go of the baggage. Put down the burdens. To relinquish expectations, to let go of the sadness, the losses...to look for hope and the good things. To shift the focus, take deep breaths, to be present and allow any glimmer of love and peace in. Let it in. You'll feel better.
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