Sad

"You have to go back to yourself, recognize the suffering in you, embrace the suffering, and you get relief.  And if you continue with your practice of mindfulness, you understand the roots, the nature of suffering, and you know the way to transform it."  Thich Nhat Hahn 

I've been thinking about sadness lately.  Why am I sad? What do I do with this sadness? How long ... etc. etc.

Truth is, I was so great when I wrote my last post.  I was back from a restful and purposeful vacation.  On vacation, I was intentional about my life and truly living in a mindful way. I was walking, praying, meditating, writing and reading every day.  I took breaks from people or situations when I needed to. It was a really good thing.  It was a time of real growth and a time to practice all that I've been learning.  I felt lighter and more self-assured when we first got back.

In the last week - things have been challenging. I don't want to go into all the details of everything, but it's been a series of setbacks and challenges that really knocked me down. From finances to friendships to feeling uncertain about the future and dreams - life just got "real" again, real quick.

So sadness fell over me like a heavy blanket.  Not a blanket of comfort or warmth, but one that felt suffocating.

I wanted to be real about it.  I want to let it out and talk about it because this is my journey and I share it with the hope that it helps someone else, as well as myself.  

I'm not going to stay in sadness, in fact, in some ways I already have felt it begin to lift, in the reminder of good friends who bring you coffee, who take time to talk you down from the ledge, in my husband and his constant care and love, and as always, my family.  I'm determined to live a grateful life.  

While, I'm not going to stay in sadness, I wanted to openly acknowledge it and say it's OK.  To myself.  To anyone who reads this.  Sadness is a part of life and it's OK to feel it. I'm going to feel what I feel and be OK with that.  I'm going to let it go, when it's time to let it go or let it go on it's own.  Either way, it will pass and knowing that is comforting and gives me peace.  I will continue to grow and learn that this is part of loving myself.