“Just Say No” was an anti-drug campaign back in the 1980’s. People-pleasing is just like a drug in that it will also rob you of your power and leave you feeling empty. It’s time to stop.
People are over-worked, stressed, unhappy and pushing themselves to the max every day. We over-schedule, over-do and with all the great technology, we rarely 'unplug'. I’ve been strongly considering implementing a no phone, no internet or social media and maybe even no TV - one day a week. I think my body and mind will thank me. It will take discipline. Not just disciplining myself, but others around me.
I’ve been practicing mindfulness for years now, but only in the last few years have I felt that it actually has taken hold in my life. Part of being mindful is truly paying attention to my thoughts, feelings, actions and speech. It’s paying attention to my body. It’s not just paying attention, but also listening and then following through. So when my body says - I’m stressed or that’s too much for me right now - I’ve learned when to push and when to pause. That means - I say no. That means true self-care and self-control.
If someone asks me to do something and I know I can’t do it and I know it is too much - wait for it - I say no. And not only do I say no, but I’m working on not apologizing and not giving a long explanation as to why I can’t and avoid the guilt trap. Be prepared when you start to say no, people will get mad, annoyed, give you a guilt trip or flat out say, well why not? As if you owe anyone an explanation. Your time is your own and it doesn’t require explanation. It doesn’t mean you’re a selfish jerk (no matter what anyone says).
I’ve been thinking a lot about Oprah’s saying - live your best life. My best life is not overdone, it’s peaceful, simple as it can be and full of love and genuine time spent doing what is beneficial to me and those I love.
If you’re a people-pleaser (which many women are) this may be a very radical concept. This may feel impossible and you may worry so much about the fall-out and making others feel bad or think this or that about you, that you will just say yes to avoid all that discomfort. However, guess what? They will get over it. If they are a person who loves you and truly respects you - they will move on. No one is going to die because you didn’t go to the birthday party, bake the cupcakes, or agree to stay late for the 509th time.
Just try it. Say no. Period. Don’t explain or go on and on about how you normally would and if only you weren’t doing ...just say no. I promise you it will get easier and it will give you a sense of freedom and control that you may have never felt before.
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